Yes I joined a weight loss challenge today!! These girls are mostly all runners and decided that they wan'ted to "lose a marathon" in preparation for their next marathon run. I thought it sounded like a cute idea and even though I'm nowhere near any type of runner (unless I have to pee real bad), I decided to join the challenge. Maybe it will help me by having to be accountable to someone again. It's worth a shot right?
That's about it on the weight loss front. The home front is another story. I was totally amazed the whole time we were in New York City because I didn't once have a bout of heartburn. Right before we had left on vacation I was taking at least two tums a day because of heartburn. Michael kept saying to me that it was probably because of stress and I just shrugged it off. Well it's back in full swing. Kady is going through some personal issues right now and of course I'm so involved in her life that it's like I'm going through it too. Actually I am kind of going through it too because one of the issues is that it looks like she's going to be moving home for a while. So things are going to change around here and it's going to be a big adjustment for all of us. But I would never turn one of my kids away and she has tried very hard to make it on her own. But sometimes you don't make the best decisions in life and you life to regret it and do what you have to do to get past it. So that's that.
Anyway my appetite hasn't amounted to much today so maybe that's the good side of it. Although my stomach has been a little queasy off and on. Oh well tomorrow is another day.
See what I mean about not following through on anything? I did two whole days of blogging and then dropped it. That's disgraceful. And of course during that time I could've been exercising and eating right and have over a month of success to report, but alas, I screwed up again. We did do alot of walking while on vacation and I did my best to watch what I was eating, but I've still gained 2.5 pounds. That's just crazy. I wish there was some way to turn off my appetite. Maybe I should get my jaw wired shut. Sometimes that seems like it's the only thing that will work for me. Although if I keep up with my blog, maybe somehow it will cause a light bulb to go off and I'll start doing the right thing. Michael and I did buy a kettelbell this weekend and started working out with it. My thighs were screaming at me for three days over the first workout! But I already picked it up today and started swinging again. It doesn't require alot of thought so I'm hoping to absent mindedly get into the habit of just picking it up and getting a workout without thinking about it. I'm keeping it here in my office with me so I see it all the time.
So that's where I stand right now. Once again disappointed in myself. Apparently I like food more than I like myself. While we were in New York I kept looking at these women who had on adorable sundresses and I thought fi I worked at it, I could at least resemble that and wear a cute sundress. But that's as far as it gets. Maybe I just don't believe down in my heart that I could ever look good. Maybe that's what a lifetime of being treated like a second class citizen does to you. You grow up believing that they're right and that you're always going to take a backseat to other people.
Well that's my rambling for today. I wish I could say I was in a mindset to really take control and do something. But right now I couldn't even tell you what my mindset is. I'm just going to have to deal with myself one day at a time and see where it takes me.
