See what I mean about not following through on anything? I did two whole days of blogging and then dropped it. That's disgraceful. And of course during that time I could've been exercising and eating right and have over a month of success to report, but alas, I screwed up again. We did do alot of walking while on vacation and I did my best to watch what I was eating, but I've still gained 2.5 pounds. That's just crazy. I wish there was some way to turn off my appetite. Maybe I should get my jaw wired shut. Sometimes that seems like it's the only thing that will work for me. Although if I keep up with my blog, maybe somehow it will cause a light bulb to go off and I'll start doing the right thing. Michael and I did buy a kettelbell this weekend and started working out with it. My thighs were screaming at me for three days over the first workout! But I already picked it up today and started swinging again. It doesn't require alot of thought so I'm hoping to absent mindedly get into the habit of just picking it up and getting a workout without thinking about it. I'm keeping it here in my office with me so I see it all the time.
So that's where I stand right now. Once again disappointed in myself. Apparently I like food more than I like myself. While we were in New York I kept looking at these women who had on adorable sundresses and I thought fi I worked at it, I could at least resemble that and wear a cute sundress. But that's as far as it gets. Maybe I just don't believe down in my heart that I could ever look good. Maybe that's what a lifetime of being treated like a second class citizen does to you. You grow up believing that they're right and that you're always going to take a backseat to other people.
Well that's my rambling for today. I wish I could say I was in a mindset to really take control and do something. But right now I couldn't even tell you what my mindset is. I'm just going to have to deal with myself one day at a time and see where it takes me.
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